Thursday, July 22, 2010

Letters to Emily Smith, my sponsored child in Africa, installment #7

Dear Emily,

I am soooo bored. I thought this summer would totally rock. Turns out it totally sucks. I thought my place would be party central but most of my friends are gone away with their families after they said they were staying here. F*ckers. I could have gone traveling with my family too but I'm not a masochist. Besides, Europe will be way more fun when I'm older, sans parents, if you get my drift. 

My dad left me his credit card but I'm sick of shopping. I went like, everyday, for a couple weeks but now it's just lame. So I basically hang out by our pool getting high on weed and reading fashion magazines. Looking at those models makes me want to puke up my lunch, which I only do every second day, so I don't cause myself serious health problems. 

I'm down to a size zero but now they have double zero - the new gold standard. So, I have some work to do. I should probably stop smoking weed because it makes me hungry. I can scarf a big bag of Cheetos in one sitting. And, of course, there's no way I can keep that down, not if I want to be a double zero so I usually make myself puke it up.
But life without weed would not be tolerable. I mean, there is nothing to do. I melted a beeswax candle and tried to give myself a bikini wax with it. I thought the wax would be really good since it's all natural. I just ended up making a huge mess and burning myself. 

Then I tried to make homemade nail polish with food coloring and corn syrup. The pool boy let me try it on his nails. We just ended up licking it off. No, it wasn't a sexual thing. He's gay, and like, my best friend in the whole world right now. He also makes the greatest cosmos ever. 

Then there's the tennis instructor. But that's a whole other letter. 


Friday, July 9, 2010

Letters from Abimbola Mtakwishayenu, my sponsored child in Africa, installment #3

Dear Venice,

My mother die last week. I am very sad. It is only me and my brothers and sisters now. My aunts and uncles come to say goodbye but went back to their village. I want to go back to school but do not know when I can do this. My brothers and sisters are too young to be all alone. I pray every day for help so I can go learn new things and help my family. The old man in fancy clothes give me a book, The Little Prince. I read it many times. It help me with my English. I think red roses are very pretty, and hope one day I can have one to take care of.

Abimbola Mtakwishayenu