Letters to Emily Smith, my sponsored child in Africa, installment #4

Dear Emily,

I had to get a vaccination today. What a drag. I mean, I didn't have to wait in line like most people, 'cause my dad's rich and has connections but still. I don't know why I have to get them. I never get sick. I'm super healthy. I always make sure our cook puts out fresh fruit for breakfast every morning. And I work out like, every day. Plus, unlike most of my friends, I only puke once a day, not three or four. A girl's gotta keep her figure. If I scarf down a bag of cookies, there's no way I'm not hoarking that shit up. It'll go straight to my thighs. Anyway...

You probably don't need any needles and shit since you live in nature. I think it's because we live in houses and drive cars and eat in restaurants that we get sick, you know? You're lucky, you get to commune with the trees, and the sky and the earth. It must be so wonderful and simple to live in a grass hut, eating off the land. 

There's a big organic movement here. You guys should really cash in on that. It's like, huge here. We're talking millions and millions of dollars. Your village could become an organic tourist destination! Come spend a few days in lush, tropical Africa. It would be a huge seller! Are there palm trees where you live? I mean, I think there are but I'm not sure.

Geez. Now my skin is getting all red and puffy from that stupid vaccination! I was gonna sit by the pool and try to get some sun but now I'll look like a dork with this big welt on my arm. Now what? My day is ruined. I bet you get a lot of sun in Africa. Do you need to use sunscreen too? 

Anyhoo, guess I'd better find something else to do. I think I have a bit of weed left. Maybe I'll smoke that and eat a bag of cheezies. Pot makes me so hungry! I'll totally have to puke after that. Hey, you might have pot growing in your backyard and not even know it! I'll send you a picture of what the plant looks like and you can check. Your life will never be the same. You could get rich selling that stuff. Those international aid organizations should really look into that, you know? Show you how to become sustainable or self-sufficient or whatever. 

Well, my Valium's wearing off so I'm gonna go smoke that joint now. Tata for now! Keep in touch!